My clock just started ticking, and that’s not sticking What killed the cat? I’m alive, I’m alive My mom will help me, call me jelly. Look at this pavement, that’s how you know things are nice, but sometimes I’m worried. Where’s the risk? I’ll go around. Wipe that smirk off your fucking face. Life’s a joke, but you’re being rude. You should try jogging more, I always see you dragging your feet. It will help I swear. Sometimes, I have intuition. Look at this clock It’s a good clock, I know, but sometimes I’m worried. The repairman’s on speed dial.

There’s dirt in my mouth I can’t get it out I promise I’m not dirty But you don’t believe me I am so far From my comfort I am so far I need to stay home Don’t throw up when you see me I know I’m so ugly I know I do this to myself But I think I deserve all this hell When will I ever leave my house? No I’m not ever coming out Don’t throw up when you see me I know I’m so ugly

I want to go to a lake I want to submerge myself in it and scream. I don’t want anyone to hear, I don’t want to wake anyone with my pity party, my pity party. I’m just trying to release the tension in my brain. I guess I’m just going through the natural order of things. Total bummer, Total bummer in my brain. I’m trying not to convince myself that things could be different because if I do then the bummer will take over. And I can’t let that happen. I want my blood to hold happiness like a cradle, I want to melt like heroine in a spoon. I want to not think that I have to get these feelings from something else, That I can depend on myself, but it’s so hard to believe with the way that these movies are. It’s so hard to believe with this bummer in my brain.

You’re a speeding car And you don’t see me I close my eyes so I don’t feel a thing You don’t slow down Tear me apart You don’t slow down It breaks my heart I get Upset At the smallest things You’re an angry shark I piss myself I feel so small when I ask for help No one hears me now Tear me apart No one hears me yell It breaks my heart I get Upset At the smallest things

Let ‘x’ be today. No I’m not feeling it, I’m not feeling, I’m not feeling it. I want to be the display on a tv with no signal. Crunch ‘x’. crunch ‘x’. crunch ‘x’. Do I look staticy? I wouldn’t mind you ripping the electrons off my skin because today I am a peach rolling down a back road. It only hurts a little and life’s okay, so I guess I’m fine. Pushing myself from things, towards other things if and only if, that sounds good, I’m fine. I’m fine. That sounds good. Whatever’s not so bad. So when I’m pulling my hair and looking frustrated, don’t bother me I’m just standing in a spot of destructive interference. I’m just trying to rip out the ideas from my head. So when I’m pulling my hair and looking frustrated, this is my final straw, this is it!

Catch me On your TV As I tear everything down Including me Feed me Or I’ll get mad Don’t touch me Or I’ll tell your dad I’m not part of this I wanna be your mess Clean me up tonight Make me feel alright Make me look like I’m someone who’s worth your time I’m not worth your time I wanna be your mess I’m a cockroach Under your feet You could kill me And never feel a thing I’m worth it So step on me I wanna make your shoes dirty I’m not part of this I wanna be your mess Clean me up tonight Make me feel alright Make me look like I’m someone who’s worth your time I’m not worth your time I wanna be your mess Keep me occupied So I don’t make a mess

This shouldn’t be relevant. I must doing things wrong, I must have made a mistake. If remaining thoughtless, was in my options. If ignoring things made them irrelevant, life would be to simple. Life would hurt in other ways. So what’s the point? I want things to go away, but I also want to talk about it. What am I to do as someone who wants everything? What am I to do as someone who cares too much about image? What am I to do as someone who has these ill feelings? What am I to do as someone who has no where to put them? I feel like I’ve just been saying the same things over and over to myself. I’m not doing a good job explaining my words to myself, so I just let the words repeat and convince myself that they are right. Stubbornness is frustrating that’s why I feel this way I guess. I’d rather just not think about it, but my friends bring it up to me. I’d rather just not think about it, but how could I be proud. I’d rather just not think about it, but I don’t want to be that way. I’d rather just not think about it, but my thoughts stay on repeat.

Let me put on your shoes and look at myself. I’ll try to tippity tap tap tap dance the night away and look like I don’t care about the way I look like I care. Staring at me, staring at you, staring at me, sweet caroline we’re not touching and it’s fine. I’ve had my fill and swallowed it, a happy pill that followed it. Here take your shoes back, the scene fades to black. The way things should be dilute being genuine. Do I care about the wrong things? Do I care too much? Does having an ideal keep me away from satisfaction and being myself? Am I being dramatic?

I'm running, I'm gunning I started humming something you used to sing when you were around Please believe me and please don't leave me because I don't think that I could live without you No that's a lie, I'm living just fine. And you've already left, and the past is behind me, and I don't even worry and I don't even care but I'm still running to get far from here Why would you make it up for awhile, when you were worse off than you could've been I punched my first into a wall and it bleed and I cried and it bled and I cried Now all of my functions aren't working together My heart and my brain are being run by my member I'm running from the past that's far behind and Im moving towards things that are slightly less frightening is it less frighting, if these things keep repeating If these mistakes I keep making don't seem to be teaching I'm prepared in advance for this weakness I'm seeking And I've written down rules that I plan on breaking Know in advance that anything I do wrong does not deserve forgiveness Please just punch me in the face until I bleed, and I cry and I bleed and i cry and i cry and i cry and i cry These actions, These mistakes that I make are fueled by my adventure and my need for attention It's a disaster that's waiting to unfold, but I need the excitement and I need to dabble with the unforetold. Are these motions, or am I motionless? Hopeless I'm just trying to find my way home, but these ideas like loneliness and depression creep into my soul And I feel sick and I feel uninvited and I feel restless, lost, and i try to fight it But I just can't fight it. No matter how hard I try And i wanna go home And i wanna know what home is I don't care if its a person a place or a pill that I can digest I'll eat as many as I can But I've questioned too many things to accept the theories given to me by people who seem to have found what I'm looking for, that seem to sleep the whole night through But what has it gotten me, all this curiosity All these things that make me feel like there's no one else in the world, but I know that there is And I know I shouldn't feel lonely, or depressed, but its hard to be stable when I just can't grasp the things that seem to keep you happy and motivated, charming, but not exasperated How do you push on, How do you keep working, How can I motivate myself to be happy when I've seen the happiness life is bringing you But I can't do things the same as you I want to feel what you feel, but there's a line I can't cross Sacrificing my morals is not worth the cost So i'll take loneliness because I'm not alone and I know one day I'll find my way home.